When I Feel Lost
It’s not often that I get this sad or feel this lost, but recently I’ve been feeling both. I don’t feel like I fit in my job or my side gig. I don’t feel like I take advantage of my down time – and when I do, I feel guilty that I’m not doing something. I can’t seem to find a book I want to finish (though I am trying to read The Art of Racing in the Rain. But it’s already proving to be a tear jerker for me, so I need to take it slow.) Yoga only takes the pain away during the hour I’m on my mat. I’ve finished a couple of my latest favorite shows – BH90210 and Four Weddings & A Funeral, so that helps. And only a tiny bit.
But what is making me feel off, and want to share with you dear reader, is that I am so sad and scared and worried that I am going to lose one of the closest souls to me. And I feel more and more lost that her health is deteriorating.
If you know me, you know I’ve been an animal supporter my entire life. And the second I purchased my own place and had the ability to adopt, I did. I adopted the purest and happiest soul in my cat, Bella. I even kept her shelter name because I didn’t want to confuse her and it fit her.
In the last two years, she has been diagnosed with pancreatitis (which we cured), diabetes (which we regulate with insulin), and hyperthyroidism (which again, we regulate with medicine.) She also has early signs of kidney failure (which we give her a special diet for.) I know it sounds like a lot, but it’s not. Its just special food and two types of medicines. It’s what I accepted when I adopted an older (adult) cat 11 years ago and facing her her health issues has been a reality I’ve had to come to grips with in the last two years.
However, in the last week, her eye sight has severely weakened. She’s quickly going blind. And it happened basically over night. She gets around the house ok most of the time, but she does get disoriented and frazzled a bit when I’m cleaning and I have to move her litter box temporarily or put a laundry basket down on the floor to make space. It’s hard to see her having difficulty maneuvering around things and bumping into items and walls that have been permanent staples in our home. And she just can’t see them.
The #manofmystery and I are trying to cope the best way possible. And oftentimes I find myself crying and unmotivated (especially at work.) Her next vet visit is on Monday, so I’m asking you for all the happiest of thoughts and to send the greatest juju her way. I need it. The #manofmystery needs it, and most importantly, our Baby Bella needs it.
Her heart is way too kind and her spirit is way to loving to lose right now. I just can’t cope and I feel lost. XOXO (Just look at that sweet face and her lady like paws crossed.)